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Nothing but Trouble December 1, 2008

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, On writing, Short stories.
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My short story “Nothing but Trouble” is now online in the December issue of Word Catalyst Magazine. For a young mother with three children and a dog named Trouble, daily life is a struggle–until it takes an unexpected twist in “Nothing but Trouble.”

It’s a beautiful story that leaves me with a renewed assumption that “The more things change, the more they stay the same”! — Shirley Allard, editor, Word Catalyst

Harry has five poems and a column in the December issue, so it will be worth the trip to a Word Catalyst Magazine to check it out.

“Nothing but Trouble” has been a two year journey from idea to print. I wrote a draft of the story back in October of 2006. Harry had read a few of Hal Borland’s nature editorials aloud to me and I was addicted to Borland’s vivid and colorful descriptions. I woke up at 3 am with the idea of a Stephen King type story written in Hal Borland prose. I wrote the first draft of the story before going to work. Originally titled “Pulse of Autumn, this first draft was a completely different story than the one you’ll read in Word Catalyst.

My writing group thought “Pulse of Autumn”, was well written and they liked the language, but felt it needed more conflict. So I rewrote the story adding three children and a dog named Trouble. The focus was different than the first version, no longer a tribute to the clear, crisp, sunny days of autumn, so I retitled it “Nothing but Trouble.”

You, dear readers, can decide if the story has enough of a hook for you. Did I add enough conflict to make it interesting? I hope you enjoy it.

Contemplating November 13, 2008

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, Novels, On writing, Publishing, Short stories.
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Look for my short story “Nothing but Trouble” in Word Catalyst’s December issue.

I received this rather disturbing feedback from an agent about THE MAGIC QUILT:
The book appears to be a combination of historical fiction and fantasy … a hard sell to the minds of those who need to put things into the tidy marketing boxes that have become oh-so comfortably worn with use.

I anticipated this novel would a difficult sell, but not because it is a historical fiction and fantasy. I thought a book about the coming of age of a wizard would smack too much of Harry Potter, which brings me to the topic of this post. My next book will not be a fantasy for young adults.

I have an idea for a detective thriller for adults, which I will keep to myself for now. I am in the stage of contemplating, playing different scenarios in my head until I find just the right one that gels. After all, I’ve got to be willing to stay with this book for at least a year or so. I’d better be excited about it.

I am going to use a process like Diane Chamberlain’s to write this next book. See her excellent blog posts on Creating a Story.

I’ll be writing the synopsis over the next couple of weeks, so I thought I’d share the process as I complete each step. I hope this will be interesting to newbie writers and readers who want a peek into how a novel comes together. My synopsis will include writing a general beginning and ending–yes the ending comes first before writing the novel–choosing the point of view characters, writing character sketches for each, and then creating a storyline thread for each character. I wish I would have done this with my first novel!

I made several mistakes with THE MAGIC QUILT that I would like to help other writers avoid. First thing, I did not write a synopsis. I didn’t know who the characters were or any idea of what would happen. I just started writing. Big mistake, BIG! My story rambled. Katharine went here, there, yonder, and back again: to the past, then the present, then a different place in the past, to a different time in the past, then to the future. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it and it was too confusing for young adults. Also, I failed to do enough historical research, so I had to rewrite the book several times to correct the history and trickle down effect. Never again!

Agent search update
After receiving five rejections from agents for my young adult novel, with no request to read the manuscript, I posted my query letter on WritersNet. Clink the link to read the thread.

Here’s the query:
It is tough enough to make it through the sixth grade when you aren’t trying to save the world. Katharine is a shape-shifter who has traveled back to a time where electricity, cell phones and bottled water have yet to be imagined; her new friends are dead or in peril. Standing on the Lexington Green in the midst of the battle, Katharine is oblivious to her own danger. With the metallic smell of blood and gunpowder heavy in the air, she must make a choice: She can save her friends and turn the battle toward freedom or destroy the evil shifter, Dr. Ziegawart, in whatever form he might choose–an alligator, a dragon, or a tiny cockroach. As a musket ball whizzes by her head, she decides.

Patrick M. Leehey, the research director of the Paul Revere Memorial Association checked the manuscript for historical accuracy. He said, “I found your story to be quite enjoyable.” That might be because I’ve included some surprising historical facts. To name a few, Paul Revere never finished his midnight ride–he was captured by British officers before arriving in Concord. Nor did he own a horse, although he was a messenger and a spy for the revolutionaries.

I thought the query was pretty good and was taken aback by the feedback I received. After all, I’ve been working on my query off and on for a year. This is what the agents on WritersNet said:

You have to cut your first paragraph and make it into a really good hook–what’s the meat of your story? Make it catchy. It’s what sells your novel.

Think through each sentence very carefully. Does it have meaning to someone who knows absolutely nothing about your book? For example, what the heck is a “shape-shifter”? Bringing up a fantasy concept only you understand is immediately going to alienate the reader of your query.

Your writing might be excellent, but this query doesn’t do justice to the manuscript because it’s hard to tell what the premise is. It has to be plain to a complete stranger. We are even stupider than you think.

I don’t believe any agent is stupid, btw. I think the rigors or the job require intelligence.

Here’s my new query. I hope it will hook an agent. I’m crossing my fingers.
It is tough enough to make it through the sixth grade when you aren’t trying to save the world. Katharine is a wizard in training, learning how to shape-shift into animals, travel forward and back in time, and defend herself against the evil wizard, Dr. Ziegawart, in whatever form he might choose–an alligator, a dragon, or a tiny cockroach. Leaving her unhappy home behind, Katharine travels back in time to 1775 Boston, where she finds herself caught up in the magical world of spying, espionage, and rebellion.

My 55,000 word historical fiction and fantasy novel, The Magic Quilt, follows Katharine across the dark waters of the Charles River with Paul Revere, and onto Menotomy Road to alert the countryside. She never knows what danger is around the next bend, whether a musket ball from a British foot soldier’s rifle or the evil wizard in disguise.

On the back burner
I found some children’s magazines that I am interested in writing for, like ODYSSEY, CRICKET, NEW MOON GIRLS and AMERICAN GIRL. These are magazines that I’ve read in the past and been impressed with the quality of writing. I’ve ordered a sample copy of each one so that I can get a feel for what each currently likes. Once I get the samples, I’ll write a short story specifically for each magazine. I’m looking forward to it. The stories will give me breaks from the novel.

I’ve got my work cut out for me. Fortunately, I’m now working part time–which means I have every Friday off to write. I’m going to need it.

Crossing the finish line March 28, 2008

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Developing characters, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, Novels, On writing, Point of view, Short stories, Writing for young people.
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The hardest part about writing a novel is in crossing the finish line. Once the first draft is done, the finish line is in sight, but the final stretch is where the hardest work lies. I blogged that I’d finish my young adult novel, THE MAGIC QUILT, by the end of 2007. I’m not finished. I’ve lost count of the number of revisions I’ve made to the novel, but in reading through some of my older posts, I am reminded of the reasons for those revisions. In each pass through, I’ve improved specific things.

As I previously posted, I had to create a fantasy world that would be logical and real to a twelve year old. This was probably the most difficult and time consuming and yet the most fun. Time travel, morphing into animals, appearing and disappearing and being invisible had to become routine parts of day-to-day life for Katharine.

Beyond the magical elements, the history also had to be accurate. Everything in the room I write in—the electric lights and the computer, the bottled water I drink, and the climate controlled air conditioning —was as imaginary in 1775, as fantastic, as Narnia or Hogwarts are today. So I had to revise with attention to detail that I hope will make Boston of 1775 real to young adults.

I’ve also fixed the POV problems I had with Katharine and her fellow wizards shape shifting into animals.

In the first chapter where the evil wizard Dr. Ziegawart is introduced, my writing critique group found several areas that needed to be reworked for logic and consistency. I was tempted simply to hit the delete key because I didn’t want to put forth the effort and energy needed for the corrections. See Motivating the cognitive miser. But after some elbow grease, I think the chapter is now both stronger and more believable. I often find that the hardest scenes to write are usually the ones that I am most happy with.

Now, I’ve made another change, also as a result of feedback from my writing group–whose input has been invaluable in making the novel better. I reorganized the order of the chapters in THE MAGIC QUILT so that Katharine travels back to the past sooner, which means I’ll have to write some transition scenes and delete others. I don’t want to do it. I keep reconsidering the ordering. But I think the new order is important to remove any parallels with Harry Potter: Katharine is a wizard who is just learning to use her powers and there is an evil wizard trying to kill her. But that is where the similarity stops. I want to make it clear to readers that my novel is an historical fantasy, unlike J. K. Rowling’s novels. So, it is important to bring out the unique aspect of the book earlier, thus the trip to the past must happen sooner. I think it will be more interesting for young people this way and I am reminded that elbow grease usually leads to writing that makes me proud.

Still, I can’t seem to get momentum flowing into finishing THE MAGIC QUIL. I know what the problem is. As I previously posted, my strength seems to be writing for and about children. But I’m discovering I don’t like writing for young people as much as I enjoy writing fiction for adults. I love reading psychological and medical thrillers for adults, which is what I want to write.

Why? In writing from the point of view of a twelve year old, I can’t use the vocabulary I could for adults. The dialogue and plot are much simpler. In other words, it’s harder to write exciting stories for children. It is much more limiting. Yet, I think the story in THE MAGIC QUILT needs to be told. It is a coming of age story full of history and magic, but Katharine’s real accomplishment is not in defeating the evil wizard Dr. Ziegawart, or playing a role in the battle for freedom. Her growth in character comes in finding the strength to take the first steps in ending the neglect and abuse from living in with an alcoholic mother. I wanted to write this story because there is little literature for children and young adults living with neglect and abuse.

It really shouldn’t matter what I want to write. I should just suck it up and finish THE MAGIC QUILT. It is nearly done–and I think it’s pretty good. Yet I can’t focus on finishing. I sit down at the computer and do anything else, including laundry, organizing my e-mail contacts and cleaning my office.

As a result, I spent several months working on short stories and I pretty proud of a couple of them. I have also been reading stories on Critters Workshop and have learned a lot from other Critter’s critiques of my work and others. One thing that I have learned is that there are numerous awesome writers out there who are dedicated to their art. Many resubmit two and three drafts of a story to the workshop. Their patience in perfecting their work is seemingly endless. The secret to success seems to be dedication as well as talent.

Living with Rejection March 1, 2008

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, Novels, On writing, Publishing, Rejection letters, Short stories.
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Dear _____,

I am submitting my science fiction story, “Cyber Attack 2018″ (4,100 words), for your consideration in _____ science fiction and fantasy anthology.

Experts predict a devastating attack on the nation’s information networks, an attack that could bring society to a standstill. “Cyber Attack 2018″ depicts that very real possibility. …

—————————————————————————————————–

Dear Trina,

Thank you for submitting your story for consideration for inclusion in _____. Unfortunately, I am unable to accept the story for publication, but do wish you every success with placing it elsewhere.

Best regards,

editor, _____

—————————————————————————————————–

Yesterday I received this letter, my 136th rejection. I felt the usual reactions I have to such a rejection: do I really have any talent, should I stop writing. Then I realized there was a lesson here. I had submitted the piece before it was ready. And I had to admit that Harry was right. My husband sometimes reads my work before I submit it, which has helped to make several of my pieces stronger. I appreciate his time and value his opinion, so his reaction to my story had hurt my feelings and caused an argument.

He felt “Cyber Attack 2018″ rambled, that it was not so much a story, but more a stream of facts and actions. There were too many details and too much going on. He didn’t even want to read the last few pages, said it was not interesting enough to read further. Gawd. I though his criticism of “Cyber Attack 2018″ was overly harsh. But was he right?

I had spent several hours tightening the piece and thought it was pretty good. Maybe I’m not a good judge of my own work. So, what do I do next? I always ask myself that question after a rejection. I liked the story. Harry and the editor who rejected it did not. Is it worth reworking “Cyber Attack 2018?” Would my time be better spent on a new story? I don’t know. I’m too close to it. As writers, sometimes we are at a loss in determining the value in our own work, especially in the face of rejections. My critique group could help. The other members of Raleigh Area Women Writers have helped me rework numerous stories and parts of my YA novel. But the critique group doesn’t normally read genre writing.

Knowing I need some help with my science fiction and fantasy stories, I’ve recently joined Critters Workshop, which is an on-line workshop/critique group for serious writers of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror. I hope they can help me with “Cyber Attack 2018″ as well as some of my other genre pieces. I’m enjoying reading the stories there and learning a lot from other writers work.

I have reworked several other stories. It gives me a sense of pride to revise a story that’s been sitting on my computer, enjoyed by no one but my hard drive. There is always an emotional tug for me in my work. I care about the characters and I’m happy to share the resolution of their unique conflict and tension. I’m also usually tired when I reach “the end.” But the next step is always more exhausting: finding the right market for the story and submitting it can take several more hours. Sometimes, like today, when I sit down at the computer I feel too drained to go through the process again, especially on the heels of rejection.

As I previously posted, it isn’t finding time to write that is the problem. It is finding the energy. It takes a great deal of mental effort to write that tough scene or rewrite the paragraph that just isn’t working. I just can’t do it today.

I regularly read Tess Gerritsen’s blog, so I enjoyed her Writer’s Guide to Staying Sane. Some of her suggestions don’t apply to me, since I’m not a best selling author, but here is an excerpt from her post that I found helpful.

The publishing business is already enough to drive a writer crazy, so why should we make things even worse for ourselves? Here are some sanity-sparing suggestions that I myself am trying to stick to:

EXERCISE
Last autumn, I sprained my knee while hiking down a mountain. For two months I could barely walk, much less hike. Stuck at home, I got grumpy and flabby. Then winter set in, and the roads got icy, prolonging my inactivity. Finally I got fed up with how listless I felt and made one of the best investments of my life: I bought a treadmill. It sits right here in my office and it’s my new best friend. First thing in the morning, I turn on National Public Radio, climb onto the treadmill, and take a brisk uphill walk for half an hour. When I’m done, I feel pumped and ready to dive into my writing. And I can stop feeling guilty about my sedentary job.

CHASE OTHER INTERESTS
Indulge your hobbies. Feed your curiosity. Life isn’t just about meeting deadlines and seeing another one of your books on the stands; life is also about doing and learning cool stuff. We get about eight decades on this earth. That seems like a lot of time, but as I get older, I realize how precious little time that really is. Although I spend most of the year racing to meet my book deadlines, I’m also learning how to read ancient Greek. I’m trying to read through my copy of Herodotus, which sits on my nightstand. I’m trying to memorize a Chopin Ballade on the piano. Probably none of these hobbies will end up being used in a book, but why does everything have to be about the writing?

That might be the best advice I’ve read lately. I intend to indulge in other interests outside of writing. As a start, Harry and I are planning a relaxing day including reading, a long walk with our labrador, wine tasting and romance. I am always happy to sample new wines and give him my feedback for his wine column.

I’ve just finished Tess’s novel THE BONE GARDEN, which I loved. This historical fiction story about the grim reaper was my favorite of her books and I was sorry to reach the end. I’m now well into Patterson and Ledwidge’s STEP ON A CRACK. I’m intrigued by the detective/negotiator with ten kids and the super kidnapping of the world’s most famous.

My newest goal is chase other interests. Hopefully this will give me the necessary energy to become a better writer and overcome rejection.

Congratulations Winner! February 13, 2008

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Developing characters, Fantasy, Fiction, Life, My work, On writing, Publishing, Short stories.
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The title of this post is the subject line of an e-mail I received yesterday. I thought it was a spammer offering me money if I’d only provide my banking information, so I almost deleted it. I am happy that I didn’t. My speculative fiction story “To Live Again“,won $100 and first place in Write Around the Block’s January short story contest. I have never won a contest in my life. I am thrilled.

“To Live Again“, holds a special place in my heart. It is the first story that I wrote back in 2002–a dog story with a twist. Second, as I previously posted, it was the first of my stories to appear in a print publication, so it became one of my milestones. I think that seeing that story on the printed page will always be my greatest thrill.

Those of you who know me will realize that “To Live Again” is loosely based on my life. The woman in the story who learns to take charge of her life through her dog is me. I drew on my own experience in an abusive marriage to create Allison’s character, who is too frightened to get out of bed and turn on a light at night. And during the day, she is too scared to leave her house. Then she adopts Vanquisher, a scrappy pit bull terrier mix facing euthanasia.

And so the story was born. I modeled Vanquisher after my dog Buddy, who I am sad to say, most likely came to the same fate as Vanquisher did in the story. Heavy sigh–if he hadn’t, there would be no story.

When I learned that Write Around the Block accepts previously published stories, I revised the story–the first version rambled a bit and had some other issues–and submitted it to the contest. I am thrilled that it won.

I will never consider “”To Live Again”” to be my best story, but writing it helped me learn the art of writing fiction. It will probably always be my favorite, especially because Harry and I recently adopted a black lab. Alex is sweet and mischievous and as beautiful as Buddy was ugly–like Sam in the story. He is intelligent and makes us laugh every day, especially when he squeaks his little plastic bone and does tricks for food. I love him, but he can’t completely fill the void in my heart left by Buddy.

Here’s to strays, shelter dogs and rescued dogs who continue to rescue their saviors.

Perfecting the perfect pitch December 1, 2007

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, Novels, On writing, Publishing, Writing for young people.
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It may not be perfect, but I think this pitch for my young adult novel THE MAGIC QUILT will hook a sixth grader:

Standing on the Lexington Green in the midst of the battle, twelve-year-old Katharine is oblivious to her own danger of being run through by a bayonet. The metallic smell of blood and gunpowder is heavy in the air. Katharine is a shape shifter who has traveled back in time, to a world where electricity, cell phones and bottled water have yet to be imagined; her new friends are dead or in peril. She must make a choice: She can save her friends and turn the battle toward freedom or destroy the evil shifter, Dr. Ziegawart, in whatever form he might choose— an alligator, a dragon, or a tiny cockroach. As a musket ball whizzes by her head, she decides.

I took advantage of a pitch critiquing opportunity on Book Ends blog. Whether you’re published, unpublished, have a pitch appointment or are pitching through an equery, every author needs to be able to summarize his or her book in as little as five words, but no more than three sentences (or so). In other words, you need to capture an agent’s, editor’s, or reader’s attention quickly.

So I submitted one paragraph from my query letter intended to grab an agent’s attention. Click here to read the post. I had read that one of the best ways to write a pitch was to read the backs of books in your genre — wrong in this case, BTW. So I modeled mine after the back cover of Harry Potter. I was pretty proud of it:

Katharine Taylor has never transmutated into an animal, a dragon or a mountain lion. She has never traveled to the past through her magic quilt, nor faced armies of insects and the evil wizard Dr. Ziegawart. All Katharine knows is an unhappy life with an alcoholic mother, but all that is about to change when she learns that she is a wizard and travels to a turbulent time in Boston just before the Revolutionary War. Caught up in the dramatic events that pit the King’s soldiers against their own people, Katharine finds in her new friends the strength to face her destiny.

This is the response the agent gave:
I like the beginning a lot. I think the first three sentences are terrific. What a great Harry Potter-like book without going straight to telling us that. However, this is another case where the ending lost its fire. I guess I’m not sure I want to read about a wizard who ends up in Boston. Where’s the magic? Where’s the army of insects? The fun of a wizard book, or of any fantasy, is the fantasy. In your description of what’s actually going to happen you neglect to tell us about the fantasy. Since it seems your target is probably a younger audience, my question to you is would a 12-year-old (for example) be interested in reading about the “strength to face her destiny”? or are they more interested in reading about evil wizards and magic quilts? That’s what we want to hear about in the last sentences.

This is a comment from the post, and most other comments took a similar vein:
Harry Potter indeed. That pitch is a word-for-word madlibs of the actual back cover copy of the first Harry Potter novel:

“Harry Potter has never been star of a Quidditch game, scoring points while riding a broom far above the ground. He knows no spells, has never helped to hatch a dragon, and has never worn a cloak of invisibility. All he knows is a miserable life with the Dursleys, his horrible aunt and uncle, and their abominable son Dudley—a great big swollen spoiled bully. Harry’s room is a tiny closet at the foot of the stairs, and he hasn’t had a birthday party in eleven years. But all that is about to change when a mysterious letter arrives announcing that Harry has been chosen to attend Hogwarts, an elite school for the training of wizards and witches…” (front flap, Arthur A. Levine Books)”

At least the querier knows what works, but I think she loses points for originality.

Shocked and surprised by the reaction, I’ve now got to start over on my pitch — good thing I didn’t send that pitch to an agent. I need to remove the parallels with Harry Potter because THE MAGIC QUILT is more than a fantasy, it is an historical fiction/fantasy, set in 1775 Boston. The Harry Potter series is not historical.

The agent liked the details in the first three sentences, but she wanted a hook that would capture the attention of a twelve year old. So, I thought about what I would want to read if I was twelve. I dug out an old pitch I’d used in a query before I decided Katharine should travel back in time only to 1775 Boston, instead of visiting China past and future America. (I needed to cut the book, and by focusing on the American Revolution I accomplished that). Here’s the old pitch:

Katharine, an unpopular sixth grader, seeks solace by talking to animals and wizards until she discovers a way to escape her unhappy life–through a time portal in a magic quilt. Each square leads to a different period in time and Katherine suddenly finds herself face-to-face with some of the most adventurous and dynamic figures in history, including Marco Polo, Paul Revere, and Pocahontas. Katharine must lead the war against the evil wizard, Dr. Ziegawart, who is one-step behind her throughout the novel.

This young adult novel goes further than fantasy in its accurate portrayal of history, especially 1775 colonial America. In addition, Katharine faces the separation of her parents, and abuse from her alcoholic mother, resulting in the involvement of social services in her family’s life.

This pitch is too long, and I’m sure it will NOT hook a twelve-year-old.

So here’s a first rewrite of my pitch.
Standing on the Lexington Green, twelve-year-old Katharine is oblivious to her own danger of being run through by a bayonet. Having traveled back in time through portals in her magic quilt, to a world where electricity, cell phones and bottled water haven’t even been imagined, her new friends are dead, or dying, the metallic smell of blood and gunpowder heavy in the air. She must make a choice. She can save her friends and turn the battle toward freedom or destroy the evil wizard, Dr. Ziegawart, in whatever form he might choose, whether an alligator, dragon, or a tiny cockroach. As a musket ball whizzes by her head, she decides.

A second:
Twelve-year-old Katharine felt no shame about standing on the Lexington Green crying. Wouldn’t any wizard who transported herself back in time directly into a battle where being run through with a bayonet, or shot with a musket ball are real dangers? Now, with her friends dead, or dying, and the metallic smell of blood and gunpowder heavy in the air, Katharine must lead the war against the evil wizard, Dr. Ziegawart, who is one-step behind her throughout the novel.

A third:
Katharine is twelve years old and a wizard in training, learning how to transmutate into animals, travel forward and back in time, and defend herself against the evil wizard, Dr. Ziegawart, who has promised to kill her before she can destroy him. Leaving her unhappy home behind, Katharine travels back in time to 1775, Boston, where protected by defense sorcerers in the form of black cats, she finds herself caught up in the magical world of spying, espionage, and rebellion that will free her friends from tyranny.

A fourth:
It started as a normal afternoon, Katharine was late getting home to watch her sister, except that Katharine has just heard animals talk and seen time turn back. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? As if in answer to her question a large yellow dog looked through the window at her, and said, “I’d best transmutate.” Several black cats walked around the house, their bright yellow eyes scanning the yard, surrounded by clouds of billowing black.

Of course, if I use the third or fourth pitch, I may be accused of madlibbing Jonathan Stroud or Madeleine L’Engle.

I can’t decide which pitch is best, so I’ve asked my husband, marketing writer Harry Calhoun, to choose and/or write the best pitch for me.

Harry says:
I actually like the first one best. Katherine being in danger in the midst of battle is certainly more interesting than her crying. I think the third one is your second best, and the last one deals too much with what happens in the early part of the book. Also, is it true that her friends are “dead or dying” in the battle? That’s scary!

Yes Harry, it is true that some of Katharine’s friends from 1775 were killed in battle. I couldn’t write the novel any other way and keep it realistic. Such is the reality of war, heavy sigh. In the battle at Lexington, eight Massachusetts men were killed and ten were wounded, with only one British soldier wounded. Here is a scene from the final chapter of THE MAGIC QUILT.

Katharine steeled herself. Joe lay dead, his shirt and the grass he lay on saturated with his blood, the metallic smell of it in the air mingling with the smell of gunpowder. She smoothed his blond hair, closed his eyes and surrendered her childhood. She looked at the battle scene through the eyes of an adult.

She counted seven minutemen lying motionless on the ground— their sightless eyes looking eerily at no one. One wounded man crawled toward a house leaving a trail of blood in his wake. There was too much blood; he wasn’t going to make it. Nine other men lay bleeding, but at least they were moving — they were alive.

I’d love to hear your opinions of which is the best pitch.

Shape shifting: point of view problem November 27, 2007

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Developing characters, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, Novels, On writing, Point of view, Writing for young people.
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How do I shape shift humans into animals?

I’m editing two chapters from the middle of THE MAGIC QUILT where Katharine, her grandmother and Sara Revere have shape shifted into animals. I have been struggling with the narrator’s POV. Should I call Katharine “the cat” or “Katharine.” Likewise, should I use “the red bird” or “Grandma.” And should the narrator refer the animals as it or she?

Here is an excerpt where I’m struggling with POV:

“Come. Follow me.” The red bird flew, sun reflecting off its necklace.

Katharine felt herself shrink to an ordinary white housecat and leapt into the trees. She followed her grandma, a flock of blackbirds surrounding her, and her friend Sara running behind her on silent black paws.

At a safe distance, the red bird flew down and sat on the ground.

Katharine sat on her haunches, wrapped her tail around her feet and put her head down. Tears wet the white fur on her face. “I couldn’t save the baby birds, Grandma.”

“You weren’t meant to save them, child. Bad things sometimes happen that even wizards can’t control.”

“But, it’s not fair! I wanted to save them.”

The red bird sighed and said. “I agree. It’s not fair, child.” The bird took a breath. “Along with your magic comes great responsibility. You will have to follow the laws that govern wizards. We can never use our power to change history, no matter how badly we want to.” A tear glinted in the red bird’s eye.

“Why?” Katharine was curious.

The bird’s eye twitched before her grandma said, “If wizards went around changing history for their own purposes, the world would be in constant and utter chaos. Now, we must go back to the school. Follow me.” She flew back to the tree overhanging the schoolyard.
The cat climbed to the top branch and sat next the red bird.

Likewise, when the evil wizard shifts into a cockroach, should the narrator call him “Dr. Ziegawart” or “the cockroach”?

Here is an excerpt that shows the POV problem.

Cafeteria trays clanked, the sound nearly deafening the small creature. Unaccustomed to these eyes, he could see only a kaleidoscope of large shadowy figures. The cockroach turned his head for a better view of the room, his antennae twitching. The corners of nearby tables and chair backs loomed like mountains. And the smashed cookie next to an almost empty potato chip bag on the floor could feed him for over a week. He was delighted that children were so careless and sloppy.

A large roach, as long as a tube of Chap Stick, he clung to a trashcan by the hooks on his six legs, unnoticed by the rowdy students eating lunch in the cafeteria. None of the teachers (who were all imbeciles) or the cafeteria staff (who were about as intelligent as slugs) saw the cockroach clinging to the trashcan, waving its antennae in constant search of a change in air that could mean danger to a small insect.

Four of his legs suddenly slipped from the trashcan. He shuffled all six legs, clinging harder to the slippery plastic. What was happening? He could …not … not … remember … His great mind had became muddled. With that realization, Dr. Ziegawart felt an emotion that was foreign to him, fear. He turned his head slowly … could hardly move his head. It was too heavy. His heart thumped once and slowed. Mustering his strength, the roach crawled up the trashcan to hide in the dim light under the rim.

I posted this POV question on the Writers Net Discussion Forum to get some help.
Here is the advice that I received. Thank you to the writers who took the time to reply to my question.

If Katharine is your main character, then it’s important that the reader never loses her in the text, that’s what having a POV is all about. If it’s strictly Katharine’s POV then you can’t leave that without it feeling awkward (except in certain circumstances).

Remember, even if your character turns into something else, they’re still your character – it’s still Katharine in there, referring to her as the animal all of the time is confusing. It only works when Katharine is observing someone as the animal, such as in the beginning when it says “the red bird flew”. That is an instant where Katharine is observing the red bird, so she might call it that before identifying it as her grandmother. But Katharine still has her mind and her own thoughts as well as the other characters, so it makes sense to just refer to them as their own name for most of the time. This sentence works fine:

“Katharine sat on her haunches, wrapped her tail around her feet and put her head down.”

As long as you remind the reader that Katharine is now a cat – have Katharine explain how it feels to be cat, what new senses she has, how much smaller she is – we won’t forget that she has changed.

I thought you did it well with Katharine in the beginning of the piece by referring to her by name, yet using animal descriptions.

The second part with Dr. Ziegawart is much better. You combine his thoughts and observations with the fact that he is now a cockroach. If you compare the two different passages, you can see how much better the words flow in the second one.

Also, be careful that your characters are doing only what their animals are capable of. Can cats cry? Can a bird sigh?

it’s good that you recognize something is off. That instinct will help you become a better writer.

I am so happy that I asked. I can see that in the section from Dr. Ziegawart’s POV, I was writing as a cockroach. I had researched roaches (gross) and wrote from his POV with roaches in mind, even including that light shuts down the roach metabolism. I knew I liked that section, but hadn’t considered why. I haven’t written Katharine as a cat from a cat’s POV consistently. I need to be more aware of what the animals are capable of.

To plagiarize from a former post, Children’s fantasy demands the strictest logic, consistency, and attention to detail. It’s damn hard to “build the lie” that fantasy demands.

This post comes after I debated about what to submit to my writing group for critique. I wanted to work on a new story that exists currently only in my imagination. It will be titled “Into the third and fourth generations,” about the personality disorders passed down through the generations. I believe the beginning will be a young girl in a psychiatric hospital and the story will follow her family tree to the origin of the personality disorders. Or, I thought about submitting a story that I wrote several years ago around this time, Stand-in Santa. I’ve never submitted it to my writing critique group and it would be fun to hear their feedback. It is almost December, after all.

Then I reminded myself of my goal. Finish THE MAGIC QUILT by December 31st. If I work on anything else, I won’t finish the YA novel. So I reluctantly looked through THE MAGIC QUILT’S table of contents and struggled over which section to submit? I thought about a chapter which I’ve just finished polishing, and am rather proud of. I resisted and submitted the chapters that need the most work. This was a hard choice for me, because I am reluctant to let anyone, even my critique group, read my work before I’m happy with it.

Taking up the gauntlet October 29, 2007

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Developing characters, Fantasy, Life, My work, Novels, On writing, Point of view, Writing for young people.
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My young adult work in progress will be finished by December 31, 2007. Period.

From my post on December 22, 2006:
I wrote a sketchy draft of THE MAGIC QUILT when I was in graduate school and then didn’t look at it again during the 14 years that I taught middle school. I never even tried to write fiction when I was teaching. I wasn’t alone in that, Stephen King couldn’t write when he was teaching either. In his book ON WRITING, King said,

“…for the first time in my life, writing was hard. The problem was the teaching… by most Friday afternoons I felt as if I’d spent the week with jumper cables clamped to my brain.”

And so THE MAGIC QUILT waited. My mind was on lesson plans and worrying about whether I had put out all the materials that I would need for the next day’s lab activity. Did I copy the lab handout before I left school, or would I have to go in early and copy it? Then there were the calls to parents about students I was concerned about, and the calls to encourage those who were doing better. And that endless stack of papers to grade that took up all my free time in the evenings.

So it was that after resigning my position as a science teacher, I reread my original draft of THE MAGIC QUILT, rewrote a couple of chapters and brought them to my fiction writing group. With their help, I decided the novel could be good and starting researching the American Revolution, the setting for the book. After finishing the second draft of the book, I took a workshop on writing historical fiction books taught by Philip Gerard, an expert on Paul Revere, and found that I had some historical facts wrong. Fixing the history trickled down through the entire novel and I had to rewrite much of the book. Now, THE MAGIC QUILT is finally so close to being finished that my goal for my holiday vacation is to finish her.

Thank you, Harry, for your support.

Now it is nearly a year later, and my young adult novel in progress is still not finished. Harry reminded me that I’ve been working on the novel for the entire four years that we have been together and I’m still not finished with it. I got mad at him, but I am really angry with myself. I had to ask myself why I am not finished.

I have been making steady progress, but it comes in spurts. I’ll make a writing schedule and stick to it until something happens, or nothing happens. Life gets in the way. We go on vacation, family visits, we adopt a dog, it is too beautiful outside to write, or the day job gets more stressful. Then, I’ll work on shorter pieces trying to get up the energy to work on the novel. And the cycle repeats.

Harry threw down the gauntlet when he asked me how long it would actually take me to finish my WIP. I’m taking up the gauntlet he threw down. With Harry’s somewhat reluctant support, I’ve decided to work part time, cutting my day job to 92% of my current hours. This means that I’ll have two Fridays off per month. Two days that I can write for eight uninterrupted hours. And I am going to finish THE MAGIC QUILT by December 31st using those days off, as well as a early mornings and weekends. Even though the holidays will come and go, I’m still going to finish. I am too close not to.

I have just sent the last three chapters to my writing group for their critique. I am editing the other chapters in the novel for consistency. I am also reading it to make sure Katharine’s voice is right. Her character changes throughout the novel as her control over her magic and her confidence in herself grows. The narrator’s voice must change with her. And, I’m tightening and trying to give the reader credit by not telling them everything.

Wish me luck.

Building the lie August 31, 2007

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, Novels, On writing, Writing for young people.
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While many people are having cookouts and spending time with family on Monday, I will be “building the lie.” I’ll be cementing the final bricks in the fantasy world that I’ve created in THE MAGIC QUILT. What fun it is to make fantastic and terrifying events happen. Yet, there is a cost in reality and logic. I can make the Great Wizard Cerulean’s eyes shine with blue light. He can pop in and out of time at will. But I have to explain where he gets this wonderful power.

In writing fantasy, the writer must create a fantasy world (the lie) and then make readers believe the lie is logical and real (the truth). See Writing fantasy: the truth inside the lie. In THE MAGIC QUILT, I have made time travel, morphing into animals, appearing and disappearing and being invisible routine parts of day-to-day life.

Any child who has participated in the fantasy world of children’s books and films, where superheroes exist, a man in a red suit drives flying reindeer, noble lions rule, and kids go to wizard academies, believes the lie. But beyond that, in children’s private imaginary worlds, they can be princes and princesses, plastic figures can come to life and entire armies may do battle on their bedroom floors — all in their imaginations.

It follows then, that it should not be difficult to convince young adult readers that an evil wizard can spew deadly smoke from his eyes or that Katharine can fly?

“Children’s fantasy demands the strictest logic, consistency, and attention to detail. … It is no wonder that the greatest children’s fantasists—Carroll, Lewis, Tolkien—had day jobs in the driest reaches of logic and philology.” From: The Real Reason Children Love Fantasy

My attention to detail is what I hope will make Boston of 1775 real to young adults reading THE MAGIC QUILT. In 1775, everything in the room I write in—the electric lights and the computer, the bottled water I drink, and the climate controlled air conditioning —was as imaginary then, as fantastic, as Narnia or Hogwarts are today. So I hope the mix of magic and the setting in the past will be believable.

In the first chapter where the evil wizard Dr. Ziegawart is introduced, DR. ZIEGAWART IS IN, my writing critique group found several areas that needed to be reworked for logic and consistency. I was tempted simply to hit the delete key because I didn’t want to put forth the effort and energy needed for the corrections. See Motivating the cognitive miser. But after some elbow grease, I think the chapter is now both stronger and more believable. I often find that the hardest scenes to write are usually the ones that I am most happy with.

The chapter opens with Dr. Ziegawart in the form of a cockroach in Katharine’s school cafeteria.
A large roach, as long as a tube of Chap Stick, he clung to a trashcan by the hooks on his six legs, unnoticed by the rowdy students eating lunch in the cafeteria. None of the teachers (who were all imbeciles) or the cafeteria staff (who were about as intelligent as slugs) saw the cockroach clinging to the trashcan, waving its antennae in constant search of a change in air that could mean danger to a small insect.

Following are problems with the logic of the fantasy of DR. ZIEGAWART IS IN and my solutions:
When Dr. Ziegawart morphed into his true form, no one noticed him. I let him be noticed.
Dr. Ziegawart sat down hard on a cafeteria bench that was too small for his large frame, nearly sliding to the floor. “Newts eyes,” he cursed, remembering that transmutations always drained his power.

A cafeteria worker approached him and said in a raspy voice “You, there. You do not have a pass.” With gloved fingers, she pushed her hair net back on her sweaty forehead, spreading something that looked like gravy across her face. “What are you doing here sir?”

The smell of body odor overpowered him. Dr. Ziegawart shivered in revulsion looking at the cafeteria worker’s double chin. “I’m a child molester, just hanging around watching my next victim.” He winked, watching her eyes get round in shock. Before she could react, he touched the silver locket hanging around his neck and …

Why doesn’t Katharine see Dr. Ziegawart when he transmutates from a cockroach to his true form? I let her notice him.
Heartened that Katharine was white-faced and trembling like a leaf in the wind, Dr. Ziegawart was confident that he looked every bit the part of the evil wizard that he was.

Katharine doesn’t seem scared enough when she meets Dr. Ziegawart. I added some physical reactions and thoughts throughout the section.
Unable to open her eyes, surrounded by darkness, Katharine’s stomach churned, threatening to send its contents up. She fought the nausea. Chocolaty laughter floated toward her, wrapping her abdomen in a sick vise. The ugly wizard pointed his gnarled finger at her in the blackness.

Instantly a heavy weight pressed down on her chest. Fear prickled in her throat. She couldn’t catch her breath. Hot … she was too hot. A trickle of sweat ran down her neck, but still, she couldn’t force her heavy eyes open.

Katharine felt a gust of wind. With great effort, she opened her eyes. Sara Revere stood before her, wind blowing from her fingertips. She didn’t understand what was happening. Chills shook her. Her teeth chattered. She was too … too cold. This is what it felt like to die. The thought sent icy fingers of dread to her heart. Lindsey would be helpless without her … Her heart squeezed out fear in little pulses that tightened her throat and throbbed in her temples. Dr. Ziegawart would find her again.

How did the evil roaches get in refrigerator to deposit the poison in the hamburger? Solution: Dr. Ziegawart held the refrigerator door open.
Last night at precisely midnight, one hundred of Dr. Ziegawart’s followers in the form of cockroaches sneaked into the school cafeteria’s refrigerator while he held the door open for them. Dr. Ziegawart had given each roach a poison pill that it shredded with its mouthparts. Using its salivary glands each roach had then moistened the powder with its saliva and swallowed it. The poison mixed in each roach’s small stomach where digestive enzymes turned it into toxic roach scat. If anyone had looked in the refrigerator during the night, they would have seen a carpet of brown roaches fanning their wings and depositing poison scat in the raw hamburger.

Katharine was a messy eater in the original version, which didn’t fit her character. I changed the scene so that her friend Brittney is the messy one.
Dr. Ziegawart watched in satisfaction as Katharine bit into her hamburger. Out of the corner of his eye, the roach saw hefty Brittney squeeze three packs of ketchup on her burger and take a huge bite, cheese and ketchup running down her fingers. Her manners were utterly revolting. It would serve the slob right when she died of poison.

Brittney had not suffered any effects from the poison, simply because she was a character that I added into the scene after it was originally written. I poisoned her.
And as an added bonus, the portly girl wizard that had befriended Katharine sat unmoving. Brittney was surely dead …

Why aren’t other students poisoned? This was corrected with one sentence of dialogue.
“Of course only wizards are susceptible to the poison,” Sara said.

Wouldn’t students notice and remember? Again corrected by one sentence of dialogue.
“I will cast a memory removal spell over this room. Anyone who was in this cafeteria today who is not a wizard will have no memory of the events that transpired here.”

Writing fantasy: the truth inside the lie July 23, 2007

Posted by Trina in All posts, Creative writing, Fantasy, Fiction, My work, On writing, Writing for young people.
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It has been awhile since I’ve posted. I just got back from a week in Atlanta on business. I didn’t have a chance to work on my novel while there. But I’m back now and excited to be writing again.

Fiction is the truth inside the lie.

Stephen King wrote those words. In writing fantasy, we can apply King’s words because we are creating a fantasy world and then making our readers believe that our lie is real. We couldn’t do that if there wasn’t some truth inside the lie. So in order to create a realistic fantasy world we must start with the truth and then build a lie around it.

I ran across an essay on the topic by Penny Ehrenkranz:

Did you ever wonder how David Eddings, Terry Brooks, Orson Scott Card, Stephen King, Piers Anthony, or J. R. R. Tolkien created their worlds? These and other successful fantasy writers found the magic to create realistic fantasy worlds, but they didn’t find it in a book of spells.

Creating your fantasy world means building a world based upon reality and making sure that your reader knows the rules of that world. Your characters must remain true to those rules throughout your story. For your readers to accept and continue reading your story, they have to believe in your world and accept what is happening to your characters.

J. R. R. Tolkien begins his Lord of the Rings series with The Hobbit, by creating a world so real that it has become a classic upon which so many others are based. … How do you go about creating a reality that readers will accept as readily? There are several things to take into consideration. Your setting must be believable. Characters should dress appropriately for the period of your story as well as use weapons appropriate to your world. If magic is involved, you should define the rules of magic and stick with them throughout your tale. Read entire essay.

And so, now that I’ve revised the historical parts for accuracy, I’m going back through THE MAGIC QUILT again, chapter by chapter, focusing on the magic world that is Katharine’s reality. Is the fantasy world that I’ve created in the young adult historical fantasy realistic, believable and most of all, exciting to young adult readers. I look forward to this part of the revision process — building the lie.